Count Your Many Blessings

We have been in Montana about two weeks now and the huge life change we have made has finally caught up with me. Olivia is teething which is its own can of annoying worms. I miss my people! I love that Michael, Olivia and I are all together, because that is what matters most. I miss though that I can hop in  car and see friends and family whenever I want. I miss that Olivia has friends who she loves and who loves her back. I miss my grocery stores and Target. I miss having baby sitters who I trust. I miss having a baby on a schedule that was reliable. And lets be honest, I miss In-N-Out.

While I know I am still in a transition and that things WILL get better, yesterday and today just suck. (I better be starting my period soon to help explain all this crying) To top off an already crappy feeling, my phone dropped in the toilet. To get a replacement, we have to drive hour away and spend money I don't want to. Ugh. 

I am nervous about making new friends. I feel like I am in high school again needing to fit in. I don't want Olivia to be affected negatively by not hanging out with kids her age. She misses her Anderson boys and Adders, you can tell. This fear causes a whole lot of mommy guilt, which is the hardest thing to deal with. (We have some daddy guilt going on as well). This guilt is the most consuming thing I have ever experienced. We only want the best for our daughter, and having a vision of what "the best" is makes it so our efforts seem to fall short. I know Olivia knows she is loved and cared for, even when she is up for hours in the middle of the night, but that constant pull and worry of not being good enough is draining me. 

There is a hymn that talks about when you are discouraged, just count your blessings. It has been playing in my head all morning and I know that Heavenly Father is helping me and my little family to get out of this funk. If we focus on the bad, scary, and annoying, that is all we are going to see. Michael and I have been so blessed this past week, it is ridiculous. So here is me choosing to count my blessings. 

1. We are together as a family and we love each other very much
2. We have a baby who is growing teeth, which is a miracle on so many levels
3. Michael got an assitantship just by being in the right place at the right time, literally, yesterday. A man walked in and offered him a job that will not only pay for all of his grad school, but offers a semester stipend as well. Did you read that? We are going to grad school for FREE. Our debt is not going to be tripled in the next two years. WHAT A BLESSING!
4. I have a job that helps me fill that spot in my life
5. We have a roof over our heads and yummy food on the table
6. Montana weather is beautiful. We fell asleep to a thunderstorm cuddling. It was magic. 
7. We have an amazing support system who loves us and knows us, even from afar. Facetiming, phone calls, and texts are wonderful things.
8. We have the power of the priesthood in our home and are able to use it at a moments notice. 
9. Olivia slept from 6pm to 5 am and then 7:45 am after a bottle the next night following her horrible night. That is a Christmas Miracle people.
10. Most importantly, we have the Gospel and a loving Heavenly Father. He takes such good care of us and love us so much. I can feel His love as I type this and am grateful for the gift of the spirit and the assurance that it brings.